Why yoga?

I came to yoga about 14 years ago. My only reason was because the YMCA had childcare during that class time. I was finally ready to address the baby weight that had turned into first grader weight, and that was a time I could make it to the gym. I had heard that yoga was a good way to tone and lose weight, and honestly, it looked easy. Boy, was I wrong. I spent most of the first class questioning the decision to come to this class and trying to figure out who the hell decided that downward facing dog was a resting pose. I was not resting in downward facing dog. I was hurting. And then, at the end of class, the teacher went into some woo-woo talk about praying to different gods and the moon and I became concerned that I had accidentally attended some sort of alternate religion. To protect my salvation I started to replace all those words in my head with my own faith adjectives, because I did not know what she was doing, but it didn’t sound like something that that would be church approved!

I kept coming, because again, that was the time I had available. Eventually, I could see my body changing. I was so excited when I could finally do a proper chaturanga dundasana (holding the bottom of a pushup). I was excited excited again when I could breathe in downward facing dog and not sit there counting the seconds until I could move again. I actually started to relax in sivasana (the end where you lie on your mat and thank God that you didn’t die.) Being a person with a long to-do list, sivasana seemed like a waste of time…until suddenly it wasn’t. And then, I started to see how yoga was actually calming me even when I wasn’t in the yoga studio. I had this ability to pause. I had this space to breathe.

I continued yoga, on and off, for many years, jumping from studio to studio, trying different styles, different teachers, trying to find a space where I could fit in. Yoga is white. Very white. I am not. Being a physician, I was used to being the only one in every room every single day, but I wanted a place where I could just be without being the only! So, I decided that since I couldn’t find that place, I could either keep studio hopping or I could go to yoga teacher training and try and create my own place in the yoga world.

In yoga teacher training, I found so much more than a place. I found a closer and tighter relationship with my faith. Yes, learning about the yoga sutras and the Yamas and Niyamas made me understand my faith better and drew me closer in my spiritual relationship. It also made me unhappy with the religious traditions associated with my faith and the inaccuracies and ways that my faith was used to defend things that were exactly opposite of what my faith was meant to be. But it was because of yoga and what I learned in yoga that I was never tempted to neglect or desert my faith, because I understood my relationship with my GOD. I found peace by trying to live the Yamas while minding my own business with my spirituality.

When I graduated yoga teacher training, I kinda thought that it would be a bit like the Pied Piper. All those people who looked like me and had promised to come to my classes when I finished would just flock to me. I would magically have this place where everyone could hold space. That didn’t happen. Most of those who said they would come have either never come to a class or just one or two. At first it was discouraging. I enjoy teaching everyone, but I wanted to bring this to us. I wanted this to be a place for the us that didn’t look like the beautiful, thin, blonde students on every studio instagram page.

I had changed. Studios had not.

Studios still advertised the same. Studios still priced the same. Studio clients still looked the same. I was still the only. The only difference was, that the only was also the teacher.

So I decided to keep going; to keep striving to find the space where we can all be. I decided to create this website and curate resources for yoga studios and instructors and create an educational course to be included in yoga teacher trainings so that we can, together, start to find this place and create spaces where we can all feel safe and appreciated and benefit from all of the wonders that yoga provides. I created this virtual space so that eventually, you might stop reading and start practicing, embracing your mat, your space and fully finding your peaceful place to breathe.